Day 3 of my week-long mission of blog writing.
If you’ve been following my blogs this week, you know I’m in the middle of a medical storm. No answers yet to the mystery that’s causing all my symptoms and left me a full-on couch potato. That’s probably the most frustrating part at this point – the not knowing. My family doctor wouldn’t help me, and the ER physician heard my desperate, tearful plea for help, then told me get out since my labs were normal. And now I await results from an endocrinologist, but afraid I’ll hear those same words, “Your labs are normal, so everything’s fine.”
And it’s left me with this question:
In whom do I put my trust?
Okay, so in my head, I didn’t hear the word “whom” because that sounds stuffy, but in writing, it felt like I needed to use better grammar. You know, word nerd here.
I entrusted my health to my family physician. But in my time of greatest need, feeling so bad I wished to be admitted to the hospital, he offered zero medical advice. Then like an air traffic controller, shuttled me off to another specialist (who can’t see me until September).
I put even more trust in the ER doctor, thinking surely this time someone will listen to me. After all, I presented with dehydration despite drinking a gallon of water a day. Seems like something is up, right? I also thought being in a hospital with possibly a rare endocrinology disorder, the ER doc would have consulted with an actual endocrinologist before saying I was fine.
Then at home, still feeling rotten, I put all my trust into my husband’s and my intellectual resources. In other words, if the doctors won’t get to the bottom of this, then we will. Time to hit Dr. Google and do some digging. After all, we had great success nursing Rose back to health this way when she became ill at 3-years-old. But instead, we’ve hit a lot of dead ends and a few maybes.
What if I’m putting my trust in all the wrong things? My family physician, the ER doctor, James and myself – we’re all human. Imperfect. Fallible. Limited in resources. Practically powerless.
Maybe it’s time to put more of my trust in God.
This morning, I looked up another random Bible verse of the day. And again – oh my gosh – was another verse that pierced right through my heart.
I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8
Through this, I’ve done a lot of praying. But if I’m honest, most of my time has been consumed with medical research and doctor’s appointments. Not that any of those things are bad; it’s just I’ve been expecting them to fill a gap in my worry, stress and pain.
A gaping hole that can only be filled by the peace, love and comfort of our Creator.
So today, I keep my eyes on the LORD. I repeat scripture in my mind. I write about my journey. I think on the goodness of God. I pray.
If I can do that today, God will come alongside me, and when that happens, nothing can take me down. Not sickness. Not stress. Not anxiety.
So now, I encourage you to do the same. I don’t know what storm you’re going through right now, but keep your eyes focused on your Heavenly Father. He has a perfect plan for each of us, he knows our hearts, and he wants us to rely on him.
Stay strong out there.